Meeting your surrogate

Meeting your surrogate

Postby HammockGuy » March 27th, 2009, 12:53 am

Come to think of it, many of us once wondered if that even happened - the intended parents (IP's) meeting the surrogate. Yes, it does, and it's a moment you'll never forget, especially if that chance meeting materializes into the birth of a baby.

We knew prior to going to Anand that we would have this opportunity. My wife initially felt odd about this meeting, and that maybe she wouldn't want to meet her. I had also heard a couple other intended mothers or IM's say the same. As a guy, I tried my best to understand, but realized that there are just so many emotions involved that it's very difficult to fully appreciate. I simply told her that whatever she wanted, we would do... The less stress and anxiety, the better, so I wanted to do all possible to alleviate any apprehension that would naturally exists for one embarking upon such an adventure.

Once in Anand, when the opportunity presented itself to meet our surrogate, my wife was open to doing so, and we did. For us, this was when my wife began her cycle, day 1. For the other couples there, it was on day 1 through 3. All went well. We had prepared questions, but the sheet of paper provided by Hitesh (Dr. Patel's husband) addressed nearly half of them. The remaining questions were asked, and with the help of Hitesh to translate, we received her answers. She had her daughter with her as well, which was nice. She also has a son, but we was not able to make it, as was her husband. Actually, when I asked her how she learned of surrogacy and Dr. Patel, she said that it was through her husband. I was surprised, because one of my other questions was regarding how her husband felt about this arrangement, and how supportive he would be of her. Immediate family also knows, and they are equally accepting. There is a stigma attached to surrogacy, mostly because it is not generally understood. This made us feel better. In retrospect, I do hope that she was not pressured into this though.

If all goes well, our surrogate will make nearly $7,000 USD. While this might not sound like a lot of money, in India, this amount is life altering! We visited a couple houses that previous surrogates had bought with the money they earned, and the houses were about $2,500 USD. Our surrogate had expressed a desire to want to upgrade their current home, and still have money to fund the college education for their son and daughter. Simply amazing how far this money can go. It's been said that the money a surrogate earns in a year is more than what her husband would make in 10 or more years. As IP's, this does at some level make us feel good that our hard-earned money is really making a difference.

Besides asking questions, I closed with a comment. I wanted our surrogate to know and understand the significance of what a baby means to us and our family. While I suppose that was quite evident by us simply being there, I still felt compelled to share with her. Surrogates, understandably take a level of pleasure and satisfaction in helping us IP's realize a dream. Just like the primary drivers are a baby for us, and money for them, these secondary drivers of helping others is certainly present as well...

We have photos and even video of this meeting. For my wife, and I think most women, this can be a very special and emotional moment. Bringing some tissues might be in order. While not required, we brought some chocolate for the surrogate's children. Gifting and how close one should get to their surrogate is rather important, and worthy of discussion. It is not recommended that you provide your contact information to the surrogate. Unfortunately, there have been some instances where surrogates will reach-out to IP's later and subtly and even not not subtly ask for more money, for whatever reason. Surrogates are screened and must qualify in many respects, but there are times when the process doesn't work perfectly. So, it is best to refrain from giving-out your email address, actual address or phone numbers. A couple we cycled with invited their surrogate to dinner, and she chose the most expensive restaurant in town and when asked to invite others, she did. Both Dr. Patel and Hitesh thought this was not a good idea and discouraged any of us from doing the same. The gesture was very nice, but unfortunately it seemed that the surrogate was taking advantage of them. Later she wanted their phone number...

At the time of the transfer of the embryos, we had a chance to see our surrogate again before the procedure. She had brought with her a photo of her husband to share with us. We also decided to give to her $20 USD, in Rupees. Again, not required. We made sure to ask Hitesh first, and it was agreed that this would be alright, and that if other couples wanted to do the same, they could, but no more than this amount. The surrogates most likely talk amongst each other, and it was felt best to keep such gifting the same. The amount we gave her ($20) would allow her get a cell phone and a plan to call her family and friends whenever she wanted. Her house is only about 30 to 45 minutes away though, and they could visit whenever they want...

We are now 17 weeks pg and just learned last week that our surrogate is learning English in her spare time!

I hope others will chime-in with their surrogate experiences, along with other recommendations also. Of course, like for all these topics, this is a great place to ask questions...
Four cycles with Dr. Nayana Patel, with the first and fourth giving us two beautiful, healthy baby girls! Persistence and determination are often rewarded, so stay the course...
User avatar
HammockGuy
Father of 2 girls - Thanks Dr. Patel!
 
Posts: 155
Joined: February 22nd, 2009, 9:15 pm
Location: USA

Re: Meeting your surrogate

Postby shash » March 29th, 2009, 10:30 pm

Hi there,

Did Dr. Patel send you information about the surrogate before you went to Anand?

Thanks,
Shash
shash
 
Posts: 2
Joined: March 24th, 2009, 8:06 pm

Re: Meeting your surrogate

Postby HammockGuy » March 29th, 2009, 11:05 pm

Hi Shash,

We did not recieve anything about our surrogate until we were in Anand. However, if asked, maybe Dr. Patel would send-over something beforehand. When there, the form we got included things like her name, her age, religion, the names and ages of child / children and some info about her pregnancies, medical history and test performed...

HG
Four cycles with Dr. Nayana Patel, with the first and fourth giving us two beautiful, healthy baby girls! Persistence and determination are often rewarded, so stay the course...
User avatar
HammockGuy
Father of 2 girls - Thanks Dr. Patel!
 
Posts: 155
Joined: February 22nd, 2009, 9:15 pm
Location: USA

Re: Meeting your surrogate

Postby Jackie_pbs » August 11th, 2011, 7:50 pm

The procedure for meeting the surrogate is still the same as mentioned by Hammockguy.

Once in Anand, Dr Hitesh or one of the nurses will let you know when you will be meeting your surrogate. At that time or before the meeting you will be given a piece of paper listing -

- Physical Characteristics - Height/Weight/Age
- Personal Characteristics - Marital Status/ Education/Occupation
- Personal Health History
- Family History - Diseases in the Family
- Fertility History - # of children/ages/miscarriages
- Medical Examination Data if any found

Most of our questions were answered by Dr. Hitesh before the meeting and the rest we asked and he translated for us.
Jackie_pbs
 
Posts: 20
Joined: August 11th, 2011, 5:56 pm

Re: Meeting your surrogate

Postby Beagle » August 17th, 2011, 4:30 pm

I went to India on my own and met my angel surrogate. However I had no idea of any cultural differences, I was very conscious of not offending the angel or the Patels. For example they were happy to have my picture taken with her but I didn't know if I should hug her (which I wanted to do) or look like a dork and stand nervously beside her...which I did ....

Any tips for next time ???
Father to 2 beautiful girls.
User avatar
Beagle
 
Posts: 47
Joined: August 13th, 2011, 8:14 pm
Location: Melbourne Australia

Re: Meeting your surrogate

Postby KPM » August 22nd, 2011, 12:41 pm

I grew up in Sri Lanka ( neighboring India)and there are some customs that are similar. While I hugged my surrogate when we met her, my husband did not/could not (because it is not acceptable). It is not appropriate to be hugged or kissed by a man that is outside the family or friend's circle. I totally understand how you feel though. My husband was very grateful but he had to settle for a hand shake. I hope this help.

Also I was told that I can be with my surrogate during the birth but my husband's can't be present. I told my husband that I will stay with him (so he won't feel left out) but he want me to be there at the birth. He want at least one of us to be there.

KPM
KPM
 
Posts: 23
Joined: August 11th, 2011, 1:47 pm

usually a brief introduction

Postby CanadaCouple » August 24th, 2011, 2:46 am

Don't be surprised if your given the basic bio data age, children, education, health history. Just before you meet the surrogate. Our experience was quite short. Since this was the first time for her, we asked if she knew of others in her village that had done this. She said she had and that one from her village had just delivered for a couple from the US. She explained this was like giving blood, a gesture of humanity but instead of blood it is helping a childless couple bring in life. We were very happy with her answer. You also have to remember that recruiting surrogates is an extreemly difficult task. You have to screen them both medically and psychologically and ensure that they have a social support network that will look after her own children. We are so glad that this clinic takes on all the responsibilities. We've heard of difficult stories were others tried to use a surrogate recruiter and just blew through alot of consultancy fees and didn't get anyone. Then came here.
CanadaCouple
 
Posts: 14
Joined: August 10th, 2011, 2:20 pm

Re: Meeting your surrogate

Postby SeekingParenthood » August 13th, 2012, 1:26 am

New here... Not sure if this is the place to post this.. but..

How long do you typically wait for a Surrogate ? Do you make some payments to lock the person, and do you have any say in who the surrogate is ?

Thx...

MJ
SeekingParenthood
 
Posts: 3
Joined: August 13th, 2012, 1:12 am

Re: Meeting your surrogate

Postby snv1979 » August 13th, 2012, 8:37 am

Two to three months is the usual waiting time.

You may not be able to lock a surrogate for you, as it can change even a day before the transfer if there is a problem with the lining, etc.,

You would have a say in who your surrogate is - but then the options are limited to the surrogates available at that point in time. If you have a particular requirement, then you may have to wait until they are able to match your preference.
snv1979
 
Posts: 40
Joined: August 14th, 2011, 8:23 am

Re: Meeting your surrogate

Postby Mnana » August 21st, 2012, 8:41 am

I asked dr.patel if she can send the profile of my surrogate about a week before i was heading to anand, but i didnt get any reply for that from her. Once i was in anand after four days i met my surrogate and in mean time i got the details about her name,age,medical history etc.. and as i was informed by dr.patel thru email that she can provide 2 profiles , so i wanted to see the other one too, because i warried that her age is 34 ,weight is 40kg and even she delivered her own child before 12 yeras. Dr.hitesh told me he will give another profile next day, but when i asked he said it's not sure if they have someone he will let me know. Days passed , everyday i was asking about the other profile but i didnt get any until my egg retreval. I was really worried but nothing i could do. So i made my mind to go with Dr. Patel's decision. It was so hard for me because i was alone when i met my surrogate and my husband was there on egg retreval day.My surrogate is not much friendly, she doesnt even looking at me properly, She came with her mother in law but not with her husband, it made me so worried. Once my husband was there i asked Dr. Hitesh that we wanted to meet her with her husband and we met them.

After all my surrogate is 5 weeks pregnent now. :)
Mnana
 
Posts: 29
Joined: January 29th, 2012, 2:12 am

Re: Meeting your surrogate

Postby spanky » August 21st, 2012, 10:25 am

Good story, Mnana, It just goes to show it is all about the uterus! The rest has very little to do with chance of pregnancy.

Mnana wrote:I asked dr.patel if she can send the profile of my surrogate about a week before i was heading to anand, but i didnt get any reply for that from her. Once i was in anand after four days i met my surrogate and in mean time i got the details about her name,age,medical history etc.. and as i was informed by dr.patel thru email that she can provide 2 profiles , so i wanted to see the other one too, because i warried that her age is 34 ,weight is 40kg and even she delivered her own child before 12 yeras. Dr.hitesh told me he will give another profile next day, but when i asked he said it's not sure if they have someone he will let me know. Days passed , everyday i was asking about the other profile but i didnt get any until my egg retreval. I was really worried but nothing i could do. So i made my mind to go with Dr. Patel's decision. It was so hard for me because i was alone when i met my surrogate and my husband was there on egg retreval day.My surrogate is not much friendly, she doesnt even looking at me properly, She came with her mother in law but not with her husband, it made me so worried. Once my husband was there i asked Dr. Hitesh that we wanted to meet her with her husband and we met them.

After all my surrogate is 5 weeks pregnent now. :)
User avatar
spanky
 
Posts: 95
Joined: March 4th, 2009, 11:54 am

Re: Meeting your surrogate

Postby anandfans » December 18th, 2013, 11:10 am

Could those who had successful cases describe their surrogates: age, weight, children? I understand the success does not depend on her weight for example, but ours is so tiny (35kg) I am just concerned about it and her ability to carry for example twins... Thank you in advance
anandfans
 
Posts: 4
Joined: December 18th, 2013, 9:05 am


Return to Topic-focused Discussions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 1 guest

cron